Bereavement Leave is a Benefit

The question of bereavement leave has come up lately as I have lost both my parents in the last 3 months: both after several days in the hospital. So many people know what that experience is like: watching your loved one become less of who you know them to be. And as you sit there and try to balance your grief with your celebration of who they have been in your life, as you second guess the doctors and the decisions you’ve made, as your relationship with your remaining family members becomes more precious, even as you get annoyed with each other, the last thing you want to be worried about is your job.

Bereavement leave is an optional benefit employers can offer their employees. It can range in number of days and who the employee is grieving. The leave may be paid time off or unpaid time when the grieving employee is relieved of the guilt and possible discipline of being away from work. Some employers allow their grieving employees to take vacation or sick time, as well.

The things I like about bereavement leave include the warm & fuzzy effect on employees seeing this clear statement of support in the Employee Handbook amongst the rules about absences, unacceptable conduct, disciplinary procedures and the like. The psychological impact of such an assurance can be huge.

Things to consider before you add this benefit to your menu of employee support: how many days can you afford to be without the employee? 3 days is common, yet I know now what I had guessed before August: 3 days is not nearly enough to handle the myriad decisions demanded of you. Much less the emotions. What I have done in the past is word the policy in such a way as to acknowledge that the 3 days will not meet all their needs, but we want to relieve them of the stress of work concerns [during that critical first 3 days]. And the granting of more time can be considered.
With the growing number of blended families that has resulted in more parents and siblings, and the inclusion of same-sex couples in the definition of the word “spouse” in California, the number of possible family members included in “immediate” has expanded. Whose death triggers an authorized use of bereavement leave should be clearly delineated in the policy, and some flexibility should be reserved for management to decide on the spot to expand the list. If any of my nieces or nephews were to pass I would have to take time off – period. Paid, unpaid, bereavement leave, vacation, whatever. Job be damned? Probably – but what a horrible decision to have to make. My best friend? My partner’s children? Yikes.

One thing made clear to me in these sad months is that there are many, many people who have already had this devastating experience. Some of their employers have been more understanding than others and I can’t help but wonder how that impacted their healing.