When I worked as the Human Resources Manager for a Home Depot store in southern California in the 90’s, “Our employees are the secret to our success” was one of our mottos. And it was true: teh thought was that anyone can build a warehouse and pass along the cost savings to the cutomer, but that a rich human element had better be there if you wanted to be successful.The fun, service-based culture envisioned by the founders was alive and well for employees and customers alike.

Then the company founders retired, were replaced by Bob Nardelli, and that motto (the philosophy, the salaries, the respect, the dedication, and the customer service) quickly faded away. I kept reassuring the worried loyal employees that Bernie & Arthur's Home Depot was still here; that the only change was in the measurement of all that great service and good will we engendered. I truly meant it. So when it became obvious that the heart was gone I, too, felt thrown under the bus. Of course Nardelli has left the Home Depot and now runs Chrysler.

Want a Job in SLO Government?

Are you following the saga of the stupid in SLO county government? Is it making you crazy and are you reordering your anti-depressant meds like I . . . I mean, like others I know? Have you wondered how you could get a job paying $200k where you could have an affair that destroys confidentiality and creates a huge conflict of interest and where you could also send very personal and explicit emails back and forth with your boss? Geez, when most of us steal our employer’s time we’re just shopping online.

Maybe we should start a pool? How many times am I going to say: “Oh my God – what were they thinking??” before this – pun alert – affair is over? I counted 14,382 such outbursts during the Bush Administration.

And I sure wish I was still broadcasting my radio show, “The Wonderful World of Work”. There is certainly enough material here for a dozen “Stupid Employee Tricks” and “Bad Boss of the Month” segments.

How Do you Cheat in an Interview?

If you are unemployed and need to brush up on your interview skills, there are zillions of resources on the web, at the SLO Women’s Business Center at Mission Community Services, and from the EDD. There is also a pretty cool book entitled: Surviving a Layoff, by Harry Dahlstrom that can be helpful. A local company provided copies of this book to each of the employees they had to lay off earlier this year.
I think that was a great move: one that may not have been appreciated at the time the pink slip arrived, but can be very useful once the shock wears off. It has chapters on how to tell your family you’ve been laid off, which bills you can set aside when money is tight, and the usual resume template and “how to win that interview” advice. I love the names used on the resume templates: Bea Hopeful and Will M. Press. Subliminal positive messages, I guess.
Another chapter includes fifty questions to expect during a job interview . . . and tips for answers. The EDD offers a similar sheet of questions; turn it over for suggested answers. Is this cheating or valid research for the task ahead? As an HR professional, I think of it as a warning to anyone conducting an interview: don’t expect creative answers to these questions, folks. Better try some others.
The book suggests you be prepared to answer: “How long do you plan to work here”? And they suggest this answer: “A long time. This is the job I’ve been hoping for”. Point #1: Any applicant worth hiring has already determined if the employer is looking for a summer employee or a long-timer. So this point is moot. Point #2: What else would you say to that question? “As long as you’ll have me”. “Until my parole officer retires”. Point #3: Does the interviewer think this is the only position you’ve applied for? I’m guessing you gave that same answer to the guy you interviewed with yesterday.
Another question you could anticipate in an interview: “How did you feel about being laid off”? My answer: “Lousy; like I was kicked in the stomach.” Suggested response: Don’t bad-mouth your old employers. Admit that you miss the job and the people. Say that you are grateful for the opportunities and the skills you learned there. My response to that response: “Are you a pod left behind by a body-snatcher?”
In order to avoid this whole dance, I have developed a series of interview questions over the last 30 years. Some are designed to stump the applicant, others to challenge him or her, some to reveal past performance, and still others to move them from “interview” mode into “interesting conversation”. Not that I would ever publish my list and desired responses. . . . well, maybe. Check in here again in a few weeks.

Betsey Nash, SPHR, has interviewed hundreds of applicants for jobs ranging from lot attendant to CEO. She is the current President of the Human Resources Association of the Central Coast and can be reached at betsey.nash@unitedwestaff.com.